How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the wife cook in the dark. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman! Feminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her. He: I'd like to marry your daughter. Father: Have you seen my wife yet? He: Yes, I have. But I prefer your daughter. The wife found her husband sitting on the back porch crying. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Do you remember when we were dating and your father told me that if I didn't marry you, he would send me to prison for 20 years?" he said. "Yes", she responded "So what?" "I would have gotten out of prison today", he sobbed. What is 6" long, has a head on it and drives women crazy? [-Money-] How can you tell if a woman has an orgasm? Who cares? Why do women fake orgasms? They think we care. Why do women like intelligent men? Opposites attract. What do you call an intelligent woman in America? A tourist. Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep! How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's job. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman! How is marriage like a hot bath? Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Wife: "The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie." Husband: "Which is this?" A businessman, an intelligent woman, and the Easter Bunny get into an elevator. There is a $10 note lying on the ground. Who picks it up? The businessman; the other two don't exist! What's worse than Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told! Why do women have tits and cunts? Because otherwise they would be completely fucking useless. Why do women have breasts? To make suckers out of men. What is that useless piece of skin called around a vagina? The woman!